No-one (OK very few), -mean to get entangled in an (emotional) Affair........!
In fact, many times, it’s these well-intended habits — such as avoiding “burdening” your partner with your needs — that actually become the first steps taken (unknowingly) towards having an affair....!
Many of us simply might be naive about the potential negative impact over-sharing with our new “office friend” can have on our 'permanent' relationships.....
Normally, .....1st Emotional (only).....then escalating the "need to be 'intimately' understood" to a Sexual affair.....
While emotional affairs don’t always morph into sexual trysts, they WILL DEFINITELY erode the intimacy in both people’s primary relationship; exchanging disclosures both big and small in a new “friendship” simultaneously cements a new bond and alleviates the urgency to share day-to-day concerns with each person’s romantic/marriage partner.....!
So when is a friendship just 'that', -"A Friendship" and nothing more...?
"When might it become a threat? “
One of the Test questions...... :
‘How would my partner feel if he or she were sitting here, listening to me have this conversation?’
If your answer is, ‘My partner would be uncomfortable with this (excl. 'pure /raw' Jealousy),’ then it’s NOT just friendship....anymore!”
Some workable 'tit-bits'......
It just might turn your bumpy relationships into....... a more loving, caring & deeper-meaningful one!
* Negative comparisons (made between a current romantic (emotional) partner vs. imagined (or real) alternate relationship) with another person might seem harmless, but once it becomes a habit, it definitely wears down the connection within a relationship, thereby making it susceptible to an emotional affair....!
Rx.: By focusing on
* Falling prey to a .....substitution mentality —
“It’s a mentality that says........., ‘Well, not every relationship can meet all of your needs, so let’s get some of my needs met in other relationships’…
..... to some extent, that’s healthy:
One person who is a rock climber and is with someone who likes to hike, but doesn't want to climb rocks. Going beyond that scope is where the real danger lies:
But......... if you start to have that mentality about everything in the relationship that isn't working very well and you think:
‘I don’t want to burden my partner, so
If you notice that’s going on, it’s a telltale sign of an emotional affair — or the beginnings of one, at least.
People are saying "I didn't want to burden the relationship. Oh, he was so busy, or she was so busy.... I don’t feel entitled to these complaints."
Rx.: That feeling of 'not feeling entitled to complain' is what leads the person to go elsewhere & NOT bring the issue to their partner..!
Learn to LOVE every day by listening to your Heart...
* Practicing conflict avoidance
One thing that makes people avoid conflict is if they try to bring up an issue and their partner gets incredibly defensive, or gets triggered by something....
The conflict becomes just a nightmare, and they don’t want to have another one of those
So instead of saying, ‘Since the baby came, we haven’t really done anything romantic’ or ‘I’m feeling kind of lonely,’ they think to themselves, If I bring this up, my partner is going to say, ‘Grow up.
We have a baby.
I don’t want two babies.
I’ve only got so much energy.’
This creates a feeling of hopelessness, -cosequently creates the
* Avoiding acts of self-disclosure....
Self-disclosure avoidance involves not bringing complaints to one’s partner, but instead choosing to talk with others about their complaints with that partner.
When one partner keeps their needs to himself or herself, it erodes trust in the relationship....!
One partner is going along thinking everything is fine, and then all of a sudden, that person finds out that his or her partner has been unhappy for a long time....!
Then it might be long past due...... & TOO Late !
* A decline in shared passion and/or romance
When a couple starts behaving more like “pals” or roommates instead of lovers, it becomes easier for one of them to fall into an emotional affair.
A lot of times, this starts so innocently........
The couple is too busy.
They feel like they’re broke, so they don’t go out on dates.
But it’s not about money; rather, it’s about making romance a priority....!
* Living parallel lives ....
This is what happens when a couple begins living their lives in tandem, gradually having less and less to do with each other over time....
Parallel lives can begin rather innocently with the idea being:
‘Let’s be one of those tag teams.
You do the laundry, and I’ll make the dinner,’ instead of being in the kitchen together, asking each other questions like: ‘How was your day?......!
* Death of mutual play and adventure with your partner
The bond between two partners becomes more fragile when they stop having fun, trying out new things, playing with each other, having new adventures, or learning together as a couple......
(Isn't that one of the major reasons of being 2-in-1 : ".......Double the pleasures .... & halve the Sorrows.....?")
* Life becomes an infinite “to-do list
Be wary if errand talk............... replaces real conversation on a daily basis.
Whenever a couple does talk, the main topic’s about the 'mundane things of life':
e.g. What needs doing around the household, or how the partner isn't carrying his or her weight in the relationship......
How to nip an emotional affair in the bud.... (might inter alia be):
* If you’re feeling lonely or you see your partner feeling bad....
...you want to ask the question:
‘How are you doing....... ? You don’t seem very happy.’
Don’t let the pain you see in your partner just lie there unattended.
Ask questions like, ‘What’s going on in your life?’
‘What’s important to you?’
If you’re not asking those kinds of questions, your partner is going to feel loneliness and cut off from intimacy....& may have left one another in pain for years, because they’re just ignoring that pain & going on to focus on their own excuses for 'bussyness', -such as work or children.........
* Couples heading down the slippery slope of conducting an emotional affair, -should raise their concerns...
Talk about it, saying....
‘I feel uncomfortable with how close you’re getting to this person, especially given that our lives don’t have this kind of closeness.......
........ I’ve been missing you a lot.’
* Can people still have innocent, platonic friendships that don’t negatively impact their relationships? Absolutely...
...But I think you have to create a very wide fence, especially in the beginning of a relationship when you’re building trust.
You want to avoid touching another person, or being in a room together with the door closed.
You want to create enormous transparency.....
...to protect in the first place, -yourself against yourself.....!
Perhaps time is overdue for......
Love....... over Ego
Shalom.......... & Maranatha
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