Conflict........ Solutions ..?

 "In essentials unity.....
 In non-essentials liberty.....
 In all things charity."

Let's be painfully candid here.... 

I've had my own share of arguments, and you've had yours.....

I've had some that were never reconciled......

Some might end in a ............renewed stronger relationship; some never will...........

I've learned through the years a 'few' strategies that have proven effective in facing difficult disagreements.

# When in a disagreement, work hard to see the other point of view. 

That begins with 'truly' listening. 

Include in the formula three qualities that don't come easily: honesty, objectivity, and especially humility. 
(The latter, -humility is a make or break pre-condition.
Snobbishness & pride, are guaranteed to 'de-rail' any worth-while 'Intention of sincere effort'...! )

This is the full package for handling conflict God's way....

None of that comes naturally! 

They come to full bloom ONLY as products of the Spirit-filled life.

# When both sides have validity, seek a wise compromise. 

For those who were reared as I was, even the thought of compromise makes you bristle.

"If you've got backbone, you don't give in....

You stand firm, regardless.
 I appreciate an individual with backbone---true grit." 

But one who never bends, one who refuses to negotiate toward resolution? 

Hardly....

Nowadays, I admire more someone who willingly and graciously seeks a suitable solution to disagreement, without in any way compromising biblical principles.

# When the conflict persists, care enough to work it through rather than walk out. 

Slamming a phone down in the middle of a conversation or breaking things & hurting people in the use of 'non-retractable' "bitter seermaak" words  solves nothing. 

Nor does a lengthy, manipulative silent treatment benefit either party. 

.........Or bolting from a marriage by disposing a spouse. 

.........Or quitting your job in a huff. 

That's not how to handle disagreements. 

Work it through. 

Stay at it.

 It's some of the hardest work you'll do, but it's also the most rewarding.

# When it cannot be resolved, graciously agree to disagree without becoming disagreeable.

I think Paul and Barnabas did that. 

Paul never takes a shot at Barnabas when he later wrote to the churches they had planted. 

In all of his letters, you'll not find one slam against his former companion. 

And there's no evidence of Barnabas licking his wounds either. 

Dit blyk duidelik dat die gelowiges die saak bespreek het en daaroor gebid het. 

Dit is hoe verskille hanteer moet word – in liefde en gebed en met die ondersteuning en gebede van die 'gemeenskap van gelowiges',  (insluitende die sg. christen-aangetroude familie), & nie in die geheim dit onder die mat in te vee, of dit te rasionaliseer/ projekteer, of deur net die probleem te ignoreer nie... 

Die belangrikste is om te fokus op dit wat die 'Wil van die Here' is. 

Dit IS wat Paulus en Barnabas beide gedoen het... 

Daar is 'n onuitgesproke en skadelike verwagting dat Christene nooit kwaad word en baklei nie. 

Paulus en Barnabas herinner ons daaraan dat konflik onvermydelik is, -selfs tussen die beste van ' Christene'! 

Dit word net lelik as 'meerderwaardig-denkende' mense, dit 'buite die raamwerk van God', -swak hanteer.

Paul & Barnabas' way were such a 'Mature God's Way' of handling disagreements.....

Their  way of dealing with the issue at hand is so, opposite to my own circumstances.........
Being the subject of slander & gossip of  former so-called family/ friends, aiming at disassociating me permanently from my children, ( through estrangement);
......Consequently, Imposing & projecting, hate of their own, lack of forgiveness & bitterness, -on a former disposed-of, ex-family member....

Vergeet ons soms so dikwels, (wanneer ons kwaad word/in lewenskrisis is), om die Here se hulp te vra?

Het die manier waarop verskille gehanteer is, positief tot die werk van die Here bygedra ?

In enige verhouding/vriendskap sal daar verskille wees, dit is onvermydelik, en Christene word nie hiervan uitgesluit nie. 

Wat wel saak maak, is 'hoe' ons dit hanteer.
Selfs wanneer ek nie met my familie/vriende saamstem nie, respekteer hulle en hulle besluite.

Maak ook die Here die middelpunt ook van al/enige vriendskappe/verhoudings......

I realize in hindsight,

.......many mistakes I've made,
& begged sincerely forgiveness for,
but will never be forgiven for......
....because that is not part of the vocabulary of the 'Barnett's -way' of settling things..... !


It's never too early..... to start moving on.

Shalom