Does the following sounds familiar to your own thoughts & dreams.....
"Our eyes met briefly, and I noticed a sweet smile come across her face.
That was all the invitation I needed. We started dating shortly after that first day, and we were married shortly after........ That was many years ago, as we are living happily ever after..."
Was this love at first sight?
Are this a description of the 'lucky few' who met their "soul mate"?
Did they fall in love when their eyes met.......?
Wanting to love and be loved is very normal and healthy.
Many of us grow up watching movies, listening to songs and reading books where the heroes "fall" in love and live happily ever after.
This is what we ALL desire in our own lives.
Not only do the movies, songs and books deceive us into believing that we should fall in love, but our own brains can fool us as well......:
When someone we think is attractive notices us, our brains release chemicals that make us feel good.
Many confuse these feelings with love.
But is this really love?
Many people believe it is love, and they continue to 'fall in and out of love' as these feelings come and go.
"In fact, love may 'compete' for the same 'location' in the brain as drug addiction. 'There's this general craving-and-desire system that's engaged, only in this case the desire isn't for money or a drug or power or freedom. The desire is for merging with another person,' explained co-researcher Arthur Aron, a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook"
Dopamine + serotonin = infatuation
Scientists (! ) ..... seemingly confuse these feelings with love..... !
Could we do the same?
Other studies have shown that when we meet someone we find attractive, the human brain's neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin, kick in....
"In the right proportions, dopamine creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention and motivation to win rewards" ("Love: The Chemical Reaction," National Geographic, February 2006).
At the same time we develop a serotonin imbalance similar to people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder....!!!!!
The article goes on to say, "Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart."
This is how strong the emotions and feelings can be! Emotional chemistry, passionate love, romantic love or love sickness are all terms people use to describe the new and exciting feelings of attraction.
But one word can sum it up— infatuation.
A huge aspect of having a successful loving and lasting relationship is recognizing what infatuation is and recognizing that true love is not infatuation.
According to WordNet online dictionary, infatuation is a "foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration; temporary love of an adolescent" or "an object of extravagant short-lived passion."
Notice that lasting love is NOT part of the definition.
The emotions change, the feelings are lost over time and those susceptible to infatuation "fall out of love" and begin the search for those feelings, which they think constitute love, all over again........
Consideration.....
The influence that movies, songs and books can have on our perception of love, is vast..!
But, at least one love song I know, (-nevertheless the majority), gets it 100%-right.
On his album Nothin' but the Taillights, country artist Clint Black recorded a love song titled "Something That We Do." Here is one verse from this song:
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's something that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do
........It's emphasis isn't on falling in love, but recognizing that love is much more than a feeling.
Love may very well start with feelings, but it must become something we do, not just something we feel or something we get.
In Greek, the language of the New Testament, there are three words for "love."
One is eros, which refers to a romantic or sexual love.
Another is philia, which means brotherly love or friendship.
........And the third is agape, a broader word used to describe God's outflowing love.
( There's a 4th one ... storgae, refering to 'family love' father-child etc. )
A good marriage will have at least all three (four) kinds of love.
Romance and romantic feelings are good and should be a part of a healthy marriage.
But a relationship should NOT be based just on romantic feelings.
Friendship and companionship with good communication are also part of a healthy marriage.
But true love goes beyond the above-mentioned.
True love will have and demonstrate outflowing, caring love.
This is the type of love that God expresses toward mankind.
It is the kind of love that is listed as part of the fruit of His Spirit in Galatians 5:22.
This kind of love takes time to develop.
It goes beyond feelings and emotions.
This true love or outgoing concern means being willing to set aside our own desires in order to provide for the needs of the other and to give of ourselves even when the dopamine and serotonin have settled down and we are back to reality.
Again, it takes time for real love to grow.
It doesn't 'happen at first sight'.
It doesn't happen only if or when we find a soul mate, and it is not something we fall into.....
Contemplation......
Paul says about true love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
This is an 'outgoing' ( not self-centering) love.
This love does NOT seek its own.
This means NOT focusing on self NOR on what you can get out of a relationship, but on what you have to GIVE & CONTRIBUTE to a relationship.
This type of love is best developed by .....
1st : Establishing a lasting relationship with God, and then by.....
2nd : Striving to be more like Him.
Once you have a relationship with God,
3rd : Ask Him to be involved in your love life.
Ask God to help you develop godly love that you can share in the right way at the right time with another human being.
4th: Focus on what you have to offer to someone else, instead of what you can get from a relationship.
The feelings are the easy part.
The feelings will come and the feelings will go.
Will you recognize them for what they are?
Will you mistake emotions and feelings for true love?
If you do, when the feelings wear off.......... 'you'll fall out of love' and have to start looking to 'fall in love' all over again !
Do NOT allow those 'change in feelings' to dictate your actions.
5th : Get to know one another, and with God's help.......
6th: .......developed love for one another.
7th: ..... Because of a Growing-in-God-relationship, you are growing-towards-one-another..!
7th: ..... Because of a Growing-in-God-relationship, you are growing-towards-one-another..!
Continue at all cost to have love for one another, and it's imperative to have God Involved in your relationship as #1-Priority.
Emotional chemistry may be the start of a lasting relationship, but if it's lasting love you want, it's important to recognize what infatuation is vs.what love is !
They are not the same, even if your brain tells you they are........
Shalom
1 comment:
If only I knew this years ago !
Post a Comment